Empty

I feel so empty right now. I can't make sense of how I'm handling this loss. One minute I'm laughing with my mom, the next I'm in tears because it hits me that my dad is never coming home. I'll feel terrible anxiety that makes me sick to my stomach, and then it will just ease up out of nowhere. I think the numbness is wearing off, and the denial is disappearing slowly. The hurt is compounding a bit at a time and I wonder if I'll ever be ok with the way life is now. I hurt so bad for my mom and grandpa. I worry he won't survive the loss of my grandma and his son within 6 months of each other. People do die of broken hearts, but I couldn't take losing him, too. I'm scared, depressed, anxious, and empty all at once.